April Fools

We are on the precipice of a pagan holiday, once a celebration of the start of the spring planting season, All Fool's Day has developed into a day of practical jokes both erudite (see George Plympton's "Curious Case of Sid Finch") and ridiculous (see the idiot that put a whoopee cushion under his boss's ass). In honor of the day, I want to address some of the biggest fools we've had to deal with as sports fans in recent days.

Here five of my favorites. They are in no particular order -

Michael Vick - As noted here yesterday, this fool thinks he's going to come back from his legal issues and garner a contract worth $10 million per season as a quarterback in the NFL. That's the number he used to write his bankruptcy plan, the plan he's using to repay creditors. This is a man that, at best, might get a job as a back-up quarterback, and it's not even assured that his jail time is done given the fact that he may have plundered his entertainment marketing company, MV7's pension plan to pay some of his debts.

Plaxico Burress - This fool derailed the Giants Super Bowl hopes when he shot himself in the leg. In a nightclub. With an unregistered (illegally owned) handgun. Now he's in court, trying to work out a plea deal (adjourned until June 15). I guarantee that any plea will include jail time, and the man will miss at the very least a part of the season due to the impending suspension.

Alex Rodriguez - To put it simply, this is a man that can't get out of his own way. In the last year he has been caught cheating on his wife, cheating the game of baseball, and cheating the fans. He's engaged in interviews that, within days of each other, contradicted his previous interviews. Heap that on top of a guy whose batting average, over the course of his career, is at its lowest in September (.285), and October (.250), (in no other month is his batting average below .299) you have a paper lion who needs to figure out how not to be his own worst enemy.

Pacman Jones - It's hard to know where to start with this bonehead. To put it succinctly, once thought to be one of the up and coming corners when with Tennessee, Jones' legal issues have made him radioactive around the league, but not so much so that Dallas wasn't willing to give him a flyer. After a lackluster season with the Cowboys, combined with his legal issues, Jones has failed to generate any interest - hell he's failed to generate even rumors of interest - in his services, and may have effectively worked his way out of the league.

Al Davis - Once the owner of the NFL's resident bad boys, and once a winning coach in his own right, Davis has become the league's unintentional jester. Changing coaches far more frequently than he changes 1970's jumpsuits, Davis has created instability at the team's most important position (coach), drafted poorly, undermined the authority of his coach, and has invariably blamed his team's failings on the coaching. The only common thread in his team's failures - Al Davis. It doesn't take a genius to figure this one out.

Celebrate the fools, it's their time.

Players, Guns, and Money

A thought on the Plaxico Burress situation before I move on to other things.

A lot of players have come out of the woodwork with reasons to have guns or not have guns. Miami's Joey Porter, in an ESPN interview uses two justifications on behalf of Burress that are just stupid.

One, and he's not the only player that has said this, he noted that people know their schedules and know when they're out of the house, so they need the firearm for home protection. If I know I'm not going to be home, how is carrying a gun going to help me protect the home that's getting broken into? It's not.

Two, he challenges people to not carry a gun if they've had to deal with someone carrying a gun - a mugger, an assault. He gives the "see what you would do in that situation" defense. Years ago I worked as a teacher in a school for the emotionally disturbed. I helped my principal take a hand gun off one of the students. To this day I don't carry a gun.

And let's face it, while Porter says that Burress didn't hurt anyone but himself, he misses the points, and there are two. Burress COULD have hurt someone else and is just lucky he didn't. The second point - it was unregistered, and as such, an illegal weapon.

Butthead.

Quick thoughts on the MVP...

More often than not, the MVP goes to a quarterback. I get it. Outside of the QB, only the center touches the ball on virtually every play. So, here are some of my thoughts on the players, including some dark horse candidates, who could be considered in a year that has no clear cut candidate...

Drew Brees - Brees leads the league with 4100 yards through 13 games and is on pace for 5046 yards passing for the season and 32 touchdowns. Number like that automatically demand consideration. Brees has kept the team's head above water.

Cons - While Brees has kept the team from slipping below .500, his gaudy numbers haven't helped the team in the standings. In fourth place in their own division, the Saints are on the outside looking in at the playoffs. To even make the post-season, the 7-6 Saints are currently behind the Buccanneers, Falcons, Cowboys, Eagles, Redskins, and Bears for the two wild card slots in the NFC.

Kurt Warner - Warner's numbers are second only to Brees and he has led the historically woeful Cardinals to their first division title since the 1970's. Because of Warner's arm, the Cardinals are one of only four three teams that have already clinched a playoff spot. Warner is also having his best season since his years with The Greatest Show on Turf - a big part of the reason that Warner is demanding consideration for the award.

Cons - Warner has put up those numbers in one of the worst divisions in football, and the team has struggled against opponents with winning records (2-5 against teams with winning records, with the last one against the Romo-less Cowboys in early October).

Michael Turner - Admittedly, a dark horse candidate, but I like him for the award more than Adrian Peterson. The old black and blue division still isn't what it once was, but Turner has logged his 1200+ yards on the ground against defensive stalwarts like Carolina and Tampa. Without Turner in the backfield, Matt Ryan likely doesn't have the Rookie of the Year sort of season that he's been logging.

Cons - As good as the Falcons have been, Turner hasn't put the team over the top in regards to positioning Atlanta for the playoffs. Also, he just hasn't been garnering the attention for this award that he deserves, making it unlikely that he will turn up with a significant portion of the vote.

There are others out there that deserve consideration in a year like this, with no clear cut candidate. Arguments could be made for the likes of Peyton Manning and Bob Sanders, both of whom have kept the Colts in contention, in spite of injuries and a bad start to the season. Todd Collins for the Titans, who surely would not be where they are with Vince Young under center. Brandon Jacobs, whose running has made a legitimate championship quarterback of Eli Manning.

The list goes on, and while I don't believe that all of those mentioned here will garner consideration, I do believe that one of the ones mentioned here is the player who is most likely to win.
Chad Pennington - For all that the "Wildcat" offense has done for the team, the Dolphins aren't in position to wrest the AFC title from the Patriots without Pennington under center. Possible proof that Eric Mangini didn't know how to utilize him, the former Jet has out-performed his replacement in the Meadowlands, throwing for more yardage, and a higher rating. Sure, Brett Favre has thrown for eight more touchdowns, but he has also thrown nine more interceptions and been sacked four more times.

Cons - Pennington has to fight the perception that a fair percentage of those wins were built on a gimmick offense early in the season. Also, like Turner, he just hasn't entered the conversation.

Matt Cassel - Cassel got some love for the award from the pundits after his back-to-back 400 yard games. Cassel, like Pennington, has kept his team in the playoff hunt. While Pennington is doing it with a team that only won one game last season, Cassel is doing it with a team decimated by injury on both sides of the ball. In spite of filling in for an NFL MVP, not starting a game since high school, missing his starting tight end for two games, losing his starting half back for the season, and the second and third backs for a quarter of the season (and more), and missing the right side of the offensive line until the sixth game of the season, Cassel has kept the Patriots in contention for the AFC East crown.

Cons - Like Warner, the team has struggled at times, with four of the team's five losses coming against quality opponents. Cassel also leads the league in sacks and is in the top ten in total yards lost due to being sacked.

Wes Welker - Cassel's safety blanket, without Welker, Cassel is probably nowhere. Welker, in spite of having only one touchdown on the season, is the battery that makes the Patriots offense go this season. Welker is the human third-down conversion, with 47 of his 96 receptions converting for first downs. The king of the bubble screen, Welker is also tied for tenth in the league in yards after the catch with 6.8.

Cons - The fact that he has only one touchdown will be held against him, as will the fact that he plays opposite of Randy Moss. Also, when's the last time a slot receiver was even considered for the award.

Plaxico in the only news that counts...

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Jon Stewart Touches Kids - Plaxico Burress

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

Picking up the slack

Cassel is still a work in progress, however, signs are encouraging..

I'm not going to post the Brady-Cassel comparison this week - mostly because the Boston Globe has already done it. But it is interesting to note that other media outlets are finally getting that comparing Cassel to Brady '07 isn't the appropriate comp to make. They're finally figuring out that the appropriate comp is for the late-round pick, career back-up getting the start is to compare him to when Brady was the late-round pick, career back-up.

Its about freakin' time.

While I'm not going to repost the numbers here, having provided the link above, I am going to say that it's interesting to note that the numbers through seven games are remarkably similar, and with the exception of in the area of sacks, touchdowns, and interceptions, Cassel leads Brady version .01 in almost every other category - and neither leads the other by any sort of significant number in any category.

It's creepy.

Other thoughts and observations...

The Giants front office is gutless.

Plaxico Burress won't start the game against the Steelers as punishment for actions detrimental to the team - harassing officials last week, not showing up for treatments, and other petulant actions are at issue. Sure, he plays and collects all his salary. Wow. What a punishment.

Would the Giants have just benched Burress for the first couple of plays of the game had the team been playing the Lions? Or would they have suspended him again? I'm guessing the latter.

But against the mighty Steelers? No. It's all hands on deck for that, discipline be damned.

I notice they had no problem suspending him for a game against the lowly Seahawks.

Other boneheads...

Former Jets receiver Don Maynard said some dumb things this past weekend.

"You have 106 coaches in the NFC that's never played pro ball, you got 126 in the AFC that's never played pro ball," Maynard said. "You got 64 coaches that never played college football, so now you know why the knowledge of pro football has gone downhill. They don't even do what we did in offenses and defenses."

Never mind the fact that three of the last five Super Bowl winning coaches never signed a contract to play in the NFL (Bill Belichick, Jon Gruden, Tom Coughlin); never mind the fact that the man for whom the championship trophy is named, Vince Lombardi, never played a down of professional football; or that Maynard's own NFL coach with whom he won a ring - Weeb Ewbank, never played professional football (that's eight rings from five coaches who obviously have no idea what they're doing by Maynard's reckoning - more if you include Green Bay's pre-Super Bowl Championships). Never mind all of that.

Let's just talk about one of the biggest differences in the game - the playbook. When I was in high school in the mid 1980's, we ran a pro-style offense...from the late 1960's and 1970's, with a dash of the 80's thrown in. The closer we got to current day, even then, the more complicated the plays became. This guy probably couldn't decipher today's playbook- so, yeah, he's right, they're not playing the offenses and defensed they did then - they're playing much more complicated schemes.

On second thought, I think I am going to address the boneheaded thought that someone who never played pro football is less qualified. There have been 42 Super Bowls, of those 42 championships 26 rings/trophies went home with 15 (head) coaches that never played pro football. There are only 26 coaches that even have earned the right to wear Super Bowl rings, and 15, essentially 58 percent, haven't played a down in the NFL. They account for 62 percent of the wins in the big game.

More impressively, eight of those coaches that Maynard thinks lack the requisite background account for 19 rings. Thirty-five percent of the coaches on the list account for 45 percent of those wins. Some of the names of the unqualified (Maynard's complaint, not mine):

Vince Lombardi
Weeb Ewbank
Bill Walsh
Joe Gibbs
Bill Parcells
George Seifert
Jimmy Johnson
Mike Shanahan
Bill Belichick

Lombard, Ewbank, Walsh, and Gibbs are all in the Hall of Fame for their coaching acumen. All the others are, at worst, in the discussion.

So what have we learned?

That Don Maynard is a total ass-clown with the football IQ of a brain-dead platypus.

Sigh.

More random thoughts...

My father's name is Lawrence Smith. He was born in 1939.

Imagine my surprise when I heard on Sports Center this morning that Larry Smith had died at the age of 68. I had that brief moment of shock until I remembered that my father shared his name with the former football coach of USC and Arizona....well that, and why on Earth would my father's death be announced on ESPN? (I will admit to being a bit of an idiot, but in my defense, it was 6:30 in the morning and my infant daughter had me up at midnight and four AM).

Still, it was weird.

Ten straight...

I forgot to address this in my last piece.

A lot has been made of the Giants winning ten straight on the road as one of the reasons that they would win (once again, I would like to reiterate that I think the Giants have a legitimate shot, and I wouldn't be surprised if they won, I just don't think it will happen). The ten road wins in a road are impressive, and 10-1 in their last 11.

Not even taking into account that the Patriots are at 18-0 (which seems to have become the "they have to lose sometime" tool to use against them in predictions), the last time the Patriots lost a road game was in Indianapolis in last year's playoffs. And including last season's playoffs, the Patriots are 11-1 in their last 12 road games.

If we want to consider them the home team, as per the Super Bowl designation, the Patriots are on a home winning streak of 14 straight since their regular season loss to the Jets in week 10 of last year.

Speculation...

Blogging, sports columnists, and all the other talking heads do an enormous amount of speculation. Really, it's what we do. We look at records, statistics, and quotes from news conferences and we speculate on what it all means.

One of the bits I have heard come up, not a popular one, but I have heard it, is that Bill Belichick will walk away if the Patriots win. The argument being, after 19-0, what's left to accomplish?

My guess...no head coach in the history of the game has five Super Bowl rings, and only one has five NFL championships - Vince Lombardi. If Belichick can win this year, giving him four SB titles in seven years, he still has an opportunity for as many as three more this decade with '08, '09, '10 seasons (unlikely, but possible).

These are the things that have never been done that he could potentially accomplish - three Super Bowls in a row, six in a decade, and the most dominant football franchise of all time in a single decade. Will he? I don't know. They have a hard road with teams like the Colts, and San Diego as perennial contenders.

Some people never learn...

23-17. That's what Plaxico Burress says that the final score will be, in favor of the Giants. It's one thing for the owner to talk like that. But Burress? Sure he's had some decent games against the Patriots in his career, but consider the following -

In 2001 Burress' Steelers team already had made reservations for New Orleans. The Steelers didn't just lose that game. They were pushed around and bullied in their own stadium.

Two seasons later in Super Bowl XXXVIII the Panthers vaunted defensive line was supposed to manhandle the Patriots offensive line made up of back-ups and street-free agents. The line didn't give up a single sack.

The following year Eagles wide-out Freddie Mitchell famously boasted he had something for Rodney Harrison. Mitchell had one catch in the Eagle's Super Bowl loss for 11 yards. Harrison, on the other hand, caught two of Donovan McNabb's passes.

This season alone, the following have mouthed off before Patriot games with the subsequent results -

LaDainian Tomlinson (...ya ain't cheatin', ya ain't tryin') - 18 rushes for 43 yards in a Chargers loss.

Terrell Owens (Getcha popcorn ready) - Six receptions for 66 yards and one touchdown in the Cowboys loss. Three catches for 31 yards and no scores in the second half.

Washington Redskins defense (they haven't seen a defense like ours yet) - 'Skins lost 52-7. 'Nuff said.

Anthony Smith (People keep asking me if we're ready for the Patriots. They should be asking if they're ready for us) - That was only the beginning of Smith's statement guaranteeing a Steelers win over the Patriots. Brady constantly picked on Smith, burning him on at least two long touchdown passes. Smith was later benched.

Igor Olshansky (New England is more worried about us...they know what's up) - Olshansky was largely quiet during the playoff game against New England, registering five tackles, two assists, and half a sack. The Chargers never led in a game that was seldom as close as it seemed, and the defensive line didn't get the pressure they needed.

And now Plax appears to be lobbying to join that list.

I'm not saying that Burress shouldn't believe that the Giants can't win - there would be no point in playing the game. However, he could have handled that...in a more diplomatic manner...say, maybe answering the question with, "yeah, I think we can win. We have our work cut out for us with that team over there. But yeah, we have a chance."

As for the people who like to say, "if they need that to get up for the game..." Let's face it. They don't need it, that doesn't mean they aren't going to use it.

Just a thought.

By the way...

Currently I am the Maryland Columnist for the Mid-Atlantic Brewing News. It's a good gig if you can get it. As such, I have started a little endeavor with some of my cohorts here. If you're a fan of micro-brews, or inexpensive wine, or like the occasional mixed drink...hell, if you're an alcoholic, then stop by.