Is it just me, or is playing defensive back for the Pats this year a lot like being the drummer for Spinal Tap?
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Friday, December 23, 2005
All roads lead to South Philly...some are just a little dumber than others
Is it just me, or is the head of the Philadelphia chapter of the NAACP a moron that obviously A) Knows nothing about football? B) Is the worst sort of racist that has no place in a civil and human rights organization?
To intimate that Donovan MacNabb is a traitor to his race for being a pocket passer is tantamount to calling Doug Flutie black because he likes to scramble.
The man needs a career change...forced on him if necessary.
For $12 mil I'd work for the Yanks too...
Yeah, it's sacrilege for a dyed in the red wool fan like me, but this isn't about Damon screwing the Sox (he didn't - he took the money and the Sox didn't get him when they could have, nor did they offer him comparable money), or about the Yanks doing it either. This is about the Sox putting the ball on the ground like Chris Simms in a Foxboro backfield...speaking of which...
The Monsters of the Midway, The Killer Bees, The Big Blue Wrecking Crew, the Steel Curtain, The Purple People Eaters...and the Patriots...
In the history of the National Football League defense after dominant defense has made a name for itself...well, a nickname at least. There was the Steel Curtain in Pittsburgh, Doomsday D in Dallas...the list goes on. These were championship caliber defenses. The players and schemes dominated opponents, propelling the respective teams into the big game - often key components in who hoisted the Lombardi Trophy.
Of the great defenses that were dubbed with a nickname, only the Purple People Eaters in Minnesota never held the trophy, but they made it to four Super Bowls in the 1970's. They were tough, strong and dominant. They were loaded with players that would eventually be enshrined in Canton. It is one of the common threads between all of these squads.
Since 2001 no team has won more post season contests than the New England Patriots, no team is wearing more championship jewelry...and nobody has come up with a nickname that has stuck. There were efforts to call the unit The Homeland Defense, but it never stuck (thank god).
Somehow, a nickname doesn't fit with a Belichick coached team, and maybe it just doesn't fit the time. Most of those units of yore had players that spent their entire careers with the team and the units were together for multiple years - Jack Hamm, Joe Green, Jack Lambert were just some of the players that stayed together for the better part of the 70's on the Steel Curtain.
The Patriots starting backfield for the 2001 Superbowl - Ty Law, Otis Smith, Tebucky Jones, and Lawyer Milloy. Last year - Randall Gay, Asante Samuel, Rodney Harrison, and Eugene Wilson. Sure, Tedy Bruschi, Richard Seymour, Mike Vrabel, and Willie McGinnest were starters on all of those teams, but gone are major contributors and/or starters Keith Traylor, Bobby Hamilton, Ted Johnson, Ty Law, Lawyer Milloy, Tebucky Jones, Otis Smith, Terrell Buckley, Victor Green, Ted Washington, Antwan Harris, Roman Phifer, and Greg Spires. None of the teams of the 70's ever had to deal with that sort of turnover in a four season span. As such, there is no identity to be built over a span of time as a team, only over a season.
After ten games of searching for their identity, the Patriots look like they could be one of the most dangerous teams going into the AFC draw for the playoffs.
Pity the Jets, for Belichick doesn't believe in resting his starters, and the starters are just finding their stride. Notify Bollinger's next of kin, Bruschi, Colvin, Vrabel, and McGinnest will be introducing themselves on Monday. There will be no nicknames.
Posted by Kevin Smith at Friday, December 23, 2005
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Shane MacGowan... unconsciously brilliant. You
can intelligently debate any topic from
theology, history, literature and philosphy...
though only while you're out of your skull on
Which fucked-up genius composer are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Posted by Kevin Smith at Thursday, November 24, 2005
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Player The theory
2 Flutie – QB Will be converted to free-safety, brutalizes Brandon Stokely in a playoff rematch, picks off Manning three times.
4 Vinatieri – K Vinatieri will make his first pro-bowl as a punter – see below
8 Miller – P Will be injured in freak punting accident, with no room left under the cap Vinatieri will be expected to punt
12 Brady – QB Pilots the Flying Elvii to another Super Bowl
16 Cassel – QB Continues to excel at clipboard holding
18 A. Davis – WR Continues to be cut and resigned because, hey, it's just something that Belichick likes to do
21 Gay – CB IR
22 Samuel – CB Loses starting job to Troy Brown but excels in nickel coverage
23 Starks – CB IR
24 Stone – S Due to injuries ends up spending the occasional down at D-tackle in the 4-3, ends up leading the team in sacks
25 Hawkins – CB Plays in two games before landing on IR for the season
26 Wilson – S Loses starting job to Doug Flutie, but is still in the safety rotation
27 Hobbs – CB Begins to show something on the other side of the ball as he plays at wide out when Troy Brown is winded from playing D
28 Dillon – RB Loses starting job to Evans, but becomes the most punishing third down back in the league
29 G. Scott – S IR
30 C. Scott – CB IR
32 Poteat – CB Soon to be dubbed Saint Hank by the fans for his ability to continually come off the street and help the Pats defensive backfield
33 Faulk – RB Out. Upon return, Mike Cloud is cut
34 Cloud – RB Upon Faulk's return, gets cut
35 Pass – FB Tweaks other hamstring in freak bowling accident, is put on the Injured – non-football list ending season
36 Sanders – S Sorry, got nothing here....
37 Harrison – S IR
38 Poole – CB IR
44 Evans – FB Becomes the Pats own “Monster of the Midway” as he tramples opponents with a vengeance. Feels only marginally bad about stepping on Zack Thomas's head in Jan 1 game in Foxboro.
47 Claridge – LB IR
50 Vrabel - LB In what Belichick dubs his Flex-defense, Vrabel ends up playing every position on the defensive side of the ball so that offenses never know where he is coming from
51 D. Davis – LB In an effort to spark a floundering offense the linebacker/safety is used as a wing-back in the old wing-T formation, scores two Tds
52 Beisel – LB In a freak accident with one of the stadium consessionaires, ends up sold to a memorabilia shop owner and is never seen on the field again
53 Izzo – LB After the season is arrested in a case of mistaken identity, and is tried as a Kennedy in a rape case. Is eventually acquitted as Lar-Lar.
54 Bruschi – LB Loses comeback player of the year award to Joey Galloway, to which he responds, “what the fu....?”
55 McGinnest - LB Breaks other hand, just starts clubbing people with the cast – trainers cringe.
58 Chatham – LB Tired of Chatham, MA jokes about his name gets in a barroom brawl with a couple of townies in Plymouth. Judge throws case out.
59 Colvin – LB Looks at the injured list, is heard to mutter, “the horror, the horror...”
61 Neal – OL Is kicked out of playoff game against the Colts for putting Corey Simon in a full nelson, inspires teammates to play more physical
64 Mruczkowski – OL Gets signed, gets released, gets signed, gets released, gets signed gets released....no this is not Lou Merloni.
66 Paxton – OL When Vinatieri kicks the game winner against the Colts to clinch the AFC, runs into the endzone at the RCA dome and makes snow angels in the beer bottles chucked on the field by upset fans.
67 Koppen – OL IR
68 Ashworth – OL Splits time with Gorin, asked to take some reps at corner, “just in case”
70 Mankins – OL In a moment of coaching genius, ends up swapping positions with Wilfork. Improvement is seen on both sides of the ball.
71 Hochstein – OL On an episode of PTI proves once and for all that he can indeed block Wilbon and Kornheiser
72 Light – OL Out. Returns to find has lost job to Kazcur, works out at center for rest of season, backing up Hochstein
75 Wilfork – DL See Mankins
76 Gorin – OL Solidifies hold on position, but continues to split time with Tackle/Corner Ashworth
77 Kazcur – OL Improvement continues, forcing Light to learn a new position when he finally returns from the broken leg.
80 T. Brown – WR Becomes the shutdown corner Belichick was looking for, leads team with Int's
81 B. Johnson – WR In a brief moment of candor, calls Mr. Rogers a punk. Redeems himself with families everywhere by scoring the game winning TD on a kick return in the Super Bowl
82 Graham – TE Comes back from injury to find that he may have to occassionally play linebacker because who knows where the linebackers will be playing
83 Branch – WR Lost for season while playing TE for the injured Graham. “I just play where coach tells me to,” he says after game.
84 Watson – TE Secretly thinks about Graham “better him than me”
86 Dwight – WR In the absence of Branch, and with Brown playing defense, becomes the Patriots go-to receiver along with Givens
87 Givens – WR Is seen in the locker room looking at the Cliff Notes version of the injury list, is heard to mutter....who's that? I don't know him either. When did he get signed?
88 Fauria – TE Confuses days, misses 2nd Jets game of season, nobody notices, is cut in the offseason.
90 Klecko – DL In what Belichick calls his Big Beef Package, goes strictly to offense as Evans' full time blocking back
91 Hill – DL Finishes season healthy, lost for playoffs due to fight with Dolphins linemen over bad “playing without a sense porpoise” pun
93 Seymour – DL Changes nickname from Big Sey to Shawna – worries teammates
94 Warren – DL Is seen in the locker room at one point clicking the heels of his cleats and repeating, “there's no place like Texas, there's no place like Texas...”
95 Banta-Cain – LB One night after practice Roman Phifer kidnaps Banta-Cain, poses as him for remainder of season. Coaches take note of improved play and are pleased with their own ability to get more out of Banta-Cain
97 Green – DL Plays more regularly as the team moves to more exotic line sets. Often lines up over the wideout and rushes the QB from there
98 C. Brown – LB Retires after season citing “too much weird shit happening on the field...anyone seen Monty?”
99 Wright – DL Somehow ends up on the Wheaties box despite being deactivated for the Super Bowl.
Posted by Kevin Smith at Thursday, November 17, 2005
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Sunday, November 06, 2005
Oh hell's bells - didn't ownership learn anything from the bullpen by committee experiment a couple of years ago. Nothing good could come from this. You know the old saying about too many cooks. One season removed and ownership has gone insane....bugfuck.
Posted by Kevin Smith at Sunday, November 06, 2005
Saturday, November 05, 2005
Another one of my co-workers, Keith Martin, is an avid Sox/Pats fan and he called me on my denial on the Theo Epstein...issue. I will admit to serious denial - I believe that if I don't hear about Sox ownership reverting to Yawkey/Gormanism, then it isn't really happening. With his permission, here are Keith's observations...
You are either in dire denial of Theo's departure or you just can't see clearly through the tears to type up a blog entry. Given the events of the last few days, I've put on my "Letterman-esque" hat and thought of 10 other jobs Mr. Epstein can take now that he is free. What you may find amusing my wife finds troubling.
10. Candygram deliveryman: That gorilla costume could just turn into a few bucks when Theo shows up at your next party with balloons and a song for your special day.
9. Defensive coordinator for the Patriots: Gets along great with players and knows his defense. Remember this is the guy that got John Olerud to help out Millar and Ortiz at first base.
8. Assistant GM of the Yankees: Like Clemens and Boggs (and now Tony Pena), he could be the next one to jump to the Dark Side.
7. Pearl Jam cover band guitarist: Loves his Eddie Vedder just as much as his baseball. 6. Red Sox analyst: Could join Rem Dog and Orsillo in the booth for some great insight next season such as: "Kevin Youkilis, batting .286 and who slept on my floor most of last season."
5. Vendor at Fenway: C'mon, if this guy can sell Adam Stern as a prospect to hold onto, he can sell peanuts. 4. President of the "Bitter GM's Club": Imagine it if you will, Theo, Dan Duquette and Lou Gorman sharing a booth at the Cask N' Flagon every game night bitchin' about the Sox like everyone else.
3. Tom Brady's stunt double: With Tom's Hollywood career calling, someone's got to take the lumps in "The Waterboy 2." 2. Dean of the Theo Epstein Institute of Baseball Management: How many fantasy geeks and teenage GM-wannabes would enroll for classes with Theo? Tons just to hear from the boy who would be king.
1.GM of the Red Sox: Denial is my middle name. It's not over until Larry Lucchino sings.
Keep the faith,
Here are photos from the final regular season game of the Baltimore-Washington Eagles metro league tournament. We're still waiting to find out whether or not Northern Virginia will be facing DC, or Baltimore in the Grand Final next weekend.
For teammates, grab any photos you find interesting, for other readers, feel free to contact me via the site if you're interested in finding out more about the game.